Gathering with friends, family, co-workers, and community members is important for fulfillment and health. Of course, they are also entertaining and wildly enjoyable. It’s proven that increasing social interactions and connecting with others regularly is better for our satisfaction, mental health, and confidence. However, these gatherings, events, meetings, and get-togethers can be improved. With some forethought, we can elevate these experiences drastically with slight adjustments.

This topic comes after reading Priya Parker’s book The Art of Gathering. She shares several ways for meaningful social connection. I’d like to share the core ideas that I believe are the easiest to implement into personal or professional gatherings and see immediate improvements.

1.     Define a purpose.

2.     Design with the purpose in mind.

3.     Create a temporary alternative reality.

4.     End well.

The book is full of great examples and ways you can create more meaningful experiences as you plan your next get-together. Allow me to elaborate. Quotes below are Parker’s. 

Define a purpose. Without deeply understanding why you are gathering, gatherings become just another birthday party, retirement celebration, wedding, marketing roundtable, funeral, or company retreat.

The purpose does not need to be defined and verbally acknowledged. The creator will only improve the overall experience by thinking through this prior to gathering. Zero discussions of logistics should take place until the purpose is clearly defined. When you take a moment to think on “why we are coming together” you consciously act to make the most of each event or occurrence.  

An example - Standing meetings for any team. The reason for them is not simply to have a time when the team comes together and rambles any update they’d like. Standing meetings should happen for a specific reason, such as daily or weekly progress on tangible projects.  Side note – I’m guessing there are very few standing meetings that have a longstanding clear and effective purpose. The creator of these should frequently rethink and realign to the most important project moving forward.

Design with the purpose in mind.  This is when logistics come into the picture. The who, when, and where. You start with a time, place, and a general idea of the guests. You need to know your ideal market for any size of event.

 As you’re defining the idea of who you want in attendance it’s even more important to take a clear stand on who you want to exclude. Parker calls this ‘deliberate excluding’ and it can be powerful in keeping aligned with the purpose.

 “But thoughtful, considered exclusion is vital to any gathering, because over-inclusion is a symptom of deeper problems—above all, a confusion about why you are gathering and a lack of commitment to your purpose and your guests.”

Another way to assist in creating your target experience is to consider the feelings you want to provoke in guests during each moment. If you are aiming for a feeling it is much easier to choose how many to invite, a venue that entices, and what the layout works best.

Ideas to design for more spontaneity:

• Deliberately not having enough chairs.

  • This will force guests to get up and move around more.

• Strategically placing the food in high density areas to spark conversations.

• Restrict what guests can talk about or how they can interact with one another.

  • This can encourage overall creativity and make them think of new ways to learn about other guests.

• Supply guests with specific and odd items such as costume requirements or a role to play.

Create a temporary alternative reality. As the creator of the event, guests will be looking to you for direction. You have the power to build in specific rules. This framework of rules and rituals allows opportunities to curate vulnerability and trust among guests; which is necessary for guests to connect on a deeper level. The rules act as a forcing function for them to act creatively and stray away from typical conversational questions such as “Where are you from?”, “What do you do?”, or talking about their kids and pets.

This is way to build in good controversy; h/t Parker. When debates, original thoughts, and new personalities come out during a small gathering, those in attendance will have memories of a unique experience for much longer than a typical get-together or game night.

“Gatherings crackle and flourish when real thought goes into them, when (often invisible) structure is baked into them, and when a host has the curiosity, willingness, and generosity of spirit to try.” 

End well. Have a clear end time to avoid stragglers and awkwardly long good-byes. The ending is done best succinctly and with a subtle reminder of the original purpose. The event or gathering creator gets to design how guests feel as the night comes to an end and leaves them with a sense of fulfillment.

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Let me know below:

Have you been to an event, gathering or work meeting that was unique in its design?

How could you tell the creator had put intentional thought into the design?

What is the most unique or effective ways you’ve experienced rules at gatherings to improve the experience?