Fears in Decision Making

A friend of mine asked for my help in making a difficult decision recently. This is what I shared. May it help you too if you’re in a similar situation…

You have a decision to make.

First, a question for you to answer. How does this decision fit with your desire to live a balanced, fulfilling, and meaningful life filled with genuine, high-quality relationships? Starting here, I'm confident you will be left with only good options to select from. A chance to win big or win small, no loss. 

Deep down you likely know the answer. That said, I understand why you haven't decided yet. You know the right choice but it's difficult; which is exactly why it needs to be made. 

A variety of fears are making this difficult. A fear of succeeding, a fear of the unknown, a fear of the change it will bring, or a fear that you want to be absolutely sure it's the right choice for you, your family, and your future. 

I hope to provide some clarity or at least not add to your confusion. Here are my thoughts on these fears one by one.

The fear of success. This is a funny one. The fact that we may receive what we want holds us back from going out and grabbing it. Hopefully, you can see comedy in this too. As with anything important in life, you have to take ownership and create the life you want. If you know what you want, then don't be afraid if it presents itself to you. At first, this may feel odd, but with practice, you'll become better at making decisions that bring your to life and align with your values. How exciting!

The fear of the unknown. This fear is constant and normal. You are not alone. Being afraid of what you can't control makes you human. You can only take what's in front of you now, make the best decision, and move forward until you reach the next decision point. There's no looking back as there’s no guarantee of what's to come. Choose what's best using the information you have today. Then, do the same tomorrow. And the day after that.

The fear of choosing correctly for everyone you love. This one makes sense, but from the eyes of your loved ones, it too is probably silly. They want what's best for you, period. The best decision for yourself is more than likely the best for them too. When you choose what makes you feel more engaged with life, it allows you to be a better friend, husband, son, brother, and member of your community. Lean into more of this. A happy, committed, challenged, and fulfilled You leads to better relationships with all of the above. 

Now, how do you know the best decision for yourself? 

I'm no expert here, but I can share a few signs I see repeatedly when I feel I'm on the right path. The first comes from some self-awareness. This takes practice, but I know you've put in the time to recognize what you care about and what noise from others you're happy to ignore. 

So, what makes you happy and where do you find joy each day? Choose the option that allows you to seek more little joys. 

Think of your core values. What is at the top? If the important pieces of your life were being stripped away one by one, what would you hold on to with the strongest grip? Choose what forces you to focus on the values at the top of your list.

Is there a choice that makes you feel uncomfortable? Within reason, I advise this route. Chances are high that when you seek out more struggle, you come out stronger. This usually leads to the best outcome. While not official physics, here's a law that I’ve seen proven time and time again,  “Anything worthwhile is difficult and takes longer than you expect.” Keep this in mind and you’ll realize the easy path will never be best for long-term fulfillment.

Lastly, what allows you to do excellent work in areas that are meaningful and interesting to you? 

The path of success is not linear. Your success comes from a combination of your diverse experiences, unique interests, and what you produce. No one else in existence can combine these in the exact same quantities you have. I suggest asking, Who do you want to be vs. What do you want to do? Repeating this process at each fork in the road will continue to open new doors and opportunities. Most of which you can’t imagine at this point. Nothing you choose now will hold you forever. Take the best next step Today. 

Pray, reflect, and trust your instinct. I'll be rooting for you.