Gathering with others is powerful. It has the potential to be very impactful for the individuals involved. Unfortunately, most gatherings are forgotten as soon as they finish. It’s evident when a gathering has been thoughtfully designed. Sometimes this isn’t noticed until it's complete because the facilitator actively built invisible structures to create a specific feeling, emotion, or outcome. Even so, when it’s been well planned you usually notice (and hopefully appreciate) the time and effort someone put into it. 

It's easy to get caught up in logistics when planning a gathering. It’s rare when you can tell the planner was intentional about creating a memorable experience. This is why we notice when an event impacts us in a deep way, positively or negatively. It’s more common to show up, go through the motions, and leave an event as if we were adding another tally mark to a chart of things we’ve experienced this year.

There are four things to get right for an experience to be memorable. You need to have a specific Purpose in mind, you need to bring together the right People, and you need the right location to Place them in. Once these are set, you can overlay a variety of Structures that aim to produce your ideal end goal. 

Purpose

The most valuable part of creating any experience is to clearly know its purpose. In order for a gathering to be more than time hanging out with friends, family, or co-workers you need a defined reason to get together. The more specific the purpose is, the higher the buy-in from the guests will be. The higher the buy-in, the more impact a gathering will make on the individuals.

As the creator, you should not think about logistics until the purpose is clear and well defined. Once you know the purpose for gathering you will use it to orient all other planning decisions. A useful practice for figuring out the purpose for your gathering is to ask yourself “What do you want to be different because you gathered?”

People

Once you define your purpose, you can begin to select and deselect the right people to be involved. This is a two-step process. You need to make clear efforts to both include and exclude individuals. 

If your gathering is open to everyone, then the sense of belonging to a group will be missing. A person feels a stronger bond to a group that has constraints. If it’s not open to everyone, the selected individuals will feel as if it’s built for them. Attracting guests that aspire to be a part of a unique experience depends on the strength of their connection to the overall purpose.

Even if they are your best friend and you would love to have them there, it’s better to say “No, not this time." The group’s experience will strain further with each exception made in the selection process. If someone isn’t committed to the purpose from the beginning they won’t have the same experience and will feel pressure to keep a positive attitude and save your feelings. No one is winning there. Use your purpose as a North Star and include individuals that are aligned.

Place

The last leg of the memorable gathering tripod is choosing the right place. 

Don’t overcomplicate this. The location and setting of your gathering should allow your guests to focus on the top priority, achieving your purpose. Instead of finding a perfect venue that has all the bells and whistles to start with one that you know will naturally facilitate guests to keep the purpose top of mind. You can always add in more amenities.

Displacement should be a strong force in choosing the right place. When you’re asking individuals to get out of their routine, it helps to nudge them with a physical change in location too. Unique settings will spark new thoughts and allow guests to share ideas more openly. By placing them somewhere unexpected, they will feel more comfortable discussing ideas that are also unconventional. You’re indirectly giving them permission to think differently. 

The times when a chosen place is unexpected for an otherwise regular meeting are the ones that get remembered.