Joyful Listening

Leo Tolstoy’s final work was a book in which he “collected the wisdom of the centuries in one book”. It’s filled with quotes he enjoyed over his entire lifetime and organized by theme. From The New Testament to Marcus Aurelius, his scope is wide, diverse, and thoughtful. It’s been a joy to read and the perfect example of learning from those that went before us!
 
Here’s how he describes it: “A wise thought for every day from the greatest philosophers of all times and all people” What’s not to love about that?
 
This daily book has been incredibly enjoyable for me since I began it February 1st. Most days it sparks an inspiration to reflect on and occasionally write about. April 4th was an entry that caught my eye and I want to share it. it was a pleasant reminder that it’s up to me to find joy in each moment.
 
Below is a snippet of the quotes on that day:
 

  • Do not seek pleasure everywhere, but always be ready to find it.” – John Ruskin

  • The secret of happiness? Enjoy small pleasures” – Samuel Smiles

  • Life could be limitless joy, if we would only take it for what it is, in the way it is given to us


I find some of the greatest daily pleasures to be connecting with others through conversation, sharing a meal, or partaking in an activity. Finding the joy in these common occurrences is simple but not easy. However, by being aware, they will provide the first step in a direction of mindfulness by keeping us present.

A pragmatic approach --> 

Without rambling on about mindfulness, I’d like to provide a practical way to improve our everyday listening that comes from Eric Maddox. Eric conducted interrogations for intelligence which directly led to the capture of Saddam Hussein. He did it by simply listening. By removing his distractions and practicing empathy with those he spoke to, his targets would turn and want to help him in any way they could!

He has broken down all of the types of distractions that come up during a conversation. Most of these are ones we won’t notice without a little practice but they are very easy to change once you’re aware.

Check it out. Here is his list of distractors and examples of each:

  • Immediate, non-biased distractors. (Physical)

    • Lack of sleep, loud background noise

  • Personal, non-biased distractors. (Emotional)

    • Illness of a family member, financial stressors

  • Personal biases towards the subject. (Relational)

    • Personal judgments of the other based on religious views or socio-economic status

  • A lack of topic familiarity. (Competence)

    • Visiting your hometown after 10 years and listening to all the updates happening

  • Listener objectives, agenda, and fears. (Outcome)

    • Information gathering, influencing of people we respect

  • Listener immediate response distractors. (Response)

    • Topics you’re “sitting on” and waiting to say are not allowing you to listen fully.

Which ones are determining what you hear in each situation?
 
I know the personal biases and listener objectives are clear obstacles for myself.  
 
According to him we only hear 25% of what is being said to us, yet we can get to a point that is over 90%, including body language, tone, and other visual clues. This comes by shedding distractors we are all holding.
 
Go forth and tackle your biases. Find joy, converse, and listen.